On to Greener Pastures

With only one suitable man left on the free website I'd been using, I decided to broaden my horizons and sign up for a different one. No, not SeaCaptianDate.com, which I've posted about before and is probably a joke, even though Jezebel insists it's legit. No, on the advice of Mimi, I rejoined one of the top paid dating sites, even though I knew I'd have to brace myself and be ready to endure the sight of scores of men who've been cruising there for at least five years under the same profile names with the same outdated pictures. Men whom I've rejected before and would have to remind all over again why we are not a match, as well as those who'd had a promising date or two with me, and then vanished from the face of the earth. Aargh.

One of the latter guys, Oh Doctor, who's been featured in two different posts here, emailed me. I'd seen his picture, the same one he was using three years ago, while browsing my "matches," and scrolled right on past. It didn't take him long to notice me and compose this piece of romantic brilliance:
     Hi [fake name I used in my profile], A few years ago we got together. Is there any chance that you'd want to meet again?

Now maybe it's just me, but it seems that a man might want to try just a little bit harder than that by maybe throwing in a little "how have you been?" especially when he can't remember the name of the woman whom he made a second date with but never followed up on. I clicked the "No thanks, I'm not interested" reply, but he persisted, claiming that:
     At the time we went out,  I was not in great shape emotionally due to a recent breakup. But, as I remember, you were really cool. I am in great shape now mentally with lots of positive changes. How about another try? A nice dinner at C________ or maybe just a quick drink? Really would love to see you again...

Maybe if he had been able to remember even one tiny detail about our meeting, like our mutual love of the French language, or my real name, or even the fact that I don't like the food they serve at the restaurant he'd suggested, for instance, I might have been tempted. But no, he couldn't, and so I didn't, because I just can't waste any more time with a man who's just not that into me.


Now back to the last eligible man left on the old site. The Boy Scout disappeared into the sunset, leaving one single available man who claims to love my smile. The Dentist has been saying he wants to meet me in every email for weeks now. But he never suggested a time or place. Finally I took the initiative and set a date, but he wrote back that he couldn't make it. He suggested an alternate time, and that's where we left it, so we may have a date, but nothing is confirmed. There's also First Mate from the new site, an older guy who strangely resembles the sea captain in the drawing above and who says he wants to meet, but seems a little crusty and untamed to me. I'm trying to broaden my search and be open to more men, so I haven't discounted him yet - he might be nice in person.

The only other prospect I have going right now is another ocean-going fellow I'll call Kayak Man, who is not at all my type physically (bald on top, with a long grey ponytail in back), but seems to have a way with words, and likes to write funny emails about his travels. He hasn't suggested a meeting, and he's starting to venture into pen-pal territory with me, so I don't have high hopes for us being a match.

That's all I've got for now, but I'm also busy with my friends, seeing live music and planning a weekend getaway for my birthday, so I really don't have time to feel lonely. I'm sort of enjoying taking it slow this time, casting my nets out to sea and seeing what turns up for me. Who knows, some day soon a real treasure could appear in my inbox.

Haven't We Met Before? And other Hopeful Men...

Along with the many spam-like emails I get in my dating inbox, there are four or five men who are religiously writing, legitimately trying to think of something unique and distinctive with which to capture my attention. Mr. "Haven't We Met" might possibly have bumped into me once 10 years ago when he briefly filled in for a co-worker for a few days.  The fact that he remembered me and could supply details about the place where I worked at that time made an impression on me, so I wrote back, even though he's a never-married-with-no-kids and therefore not a promising match. At the end of his 6th email, when I was about to ditch him, he suggested a phone call, so I gave him another chance to prove himself.  I'm currently enduring a run of suitors who seem to be content with being pen pals, and I have neither the time nor the patience for that.  On the phone I found HWM even more dull, with a very thick Chicago accent, even though he hasn't lived there for over 30 years. That combination, combined with a nervously loud voice and a habit of asking me to repeat myself every other sentence, rendered him less desirable by the minute. I wasn't feeling it, and became completely turned off when he asked me "You aren't really one of those people who does yoga and meditates, are you?" Uh, I wouldn't have put it in my profile if I didn't want you to be someone who likes those kinds of people. That was the end for me. I ignored his next few calls and emails, but he apparently didn't get the message that I was no longer interested. I detected angry undertones beneath his inquiries about my health and whereabouts in the third voicemail. So I sent him a Dear John email, spelling out the obvious and letting him down easy, citing distance as the main reason it wasn't going to work. He finally got the message, which is ironic, since we had yet to meet, and hadn't traveled so much as one mile to see each other.


Meanwhile, Bicycle Man and I had gone our separate ways some time back but promised to stay in touch. I got a phone call from him last Saturday afternoon, and not wanting to seem like I had nothing better to do, I let it go to voicemail. Sure enough, it was a last-minute date request - he had aquired tickets to a concert that would be starting in two hours and wanted to know if I was available to go. I waited an hour or so, and texted that sorry, I was all booked up, but please keep me in mind for future events - with at least a few days' notice. Like I said before, I want to keep a foot in the door, but I don't want to get cozy in any way with him.



Remember The Boy Next Door? He of the "multi-layer beyond belief" girlfriend? I found him lurking in the IM section of our mutual dating site a few weeks ago when I signed in to check my messages. Sure enough, he started chatting me up within a few minutes. "How's it going with SandiegoGirl4me?" I asked. He told me how awesome she was and explained the multi-layer thing: her best friend works with his ex-brother-in-law. That is the extent of the amazing connection that they share? I almost spit my drink all over my keyboard. After a few more minutes of him telling jokes and trying to flirt with me, I finally asked if she knew he was still active on the site, chatting up women (I could tell he was involved in 2 or 3 simultaneous conversations because he just wasn't smart or fast enough to keep his comments directed to the right recipients). "I'm not asking you to get undressed, am I?" he asked. "Not yet" I thought to myself as I signed off.


Just before losing my patience with this site, I met a very nice and fairly intelligent man. Although his main profile pic is 8 years old, there are more recent ones on there as well, and I'll call him Boy Scout because of one of his skills (which I'll tell you about later if he makes the cut). We have chatted on the phone and it was good, except that he hasn't followed up yet, nor has he asked to meet me. I find that strange because he claimed in his second email that he was not into pen-pal relationships and was on that dating site to meet real people. I know that he enjoyed our phone conversation, but he's out of town and could be too busy, so we will see what happens, if anything.


There are two other men who have been writing, but I have just decided that I am not going to continue our correspondence. It just seems like they are trying too hard and there isn't enough to interest me. If Boy Scout fades away, I'm back to ground zero and may try a new dating site.