The Botanist came on very strong, wined and dined me, and within two dates, convinced me to date him exclusively. Yes, he was smooth, but in a left-brain nerdy sort of way, which I found kind of charming at first. By date 3 though, his scientific mind and analytical nature started wearing thin. I began to notice a lack of empathy in him, as if emotion towards loved ones was not his strong point. He didn't seem to have any close friends, and that bothered me too. But in the end, what convinced me to rethink the whole idea of being his girlfriend was his relationship with his son. Or rather, his estrangement from his son for the past three years. I realized that children weren't important to him when I invited him in to my house and he wouldn't look at a picture of my kids and me on my computer desktop. When I called his attention to it, he turned away and said, "Yeah, I already saw their pictures on your fridge." That ended it. Any man who wants to love me must at least acknowledge my children and respect that they are my first loves. And if he has children I expect that he will love them above all others. The Botanist can't even bring himself to pick up the phone and call his son who lives 2 miles away because of a falling out they had several years ago. Sad, pathetic, and totally unacceptable to me.
And so, another one bites the dust. Surprisingly, I'm not sad or disheartened in the least about this. I'm actually proud that I was able to recognize that he was unsuitable boyfriend material so quickly, before I got attached. I had a couple of fun dates with him and we parted on friendly terms. No harm done, and I feel very happy about the fact that my bad date streak is over. I currently have 3 nice men emailing me, and 2 of them want to speak on the phone. Life is good.
Rendezvous with Romeos
11 comments:
You're absolutely right in your instincts. I had one date with a man who hadn't seen his son since the son was 9 (he was then in his 30s), and another estranged from his daughter for the past two years. It's very upsetting and definitely a bad sign. Of course even without the other guys waiting in the wings, you're right to have said goodbye to the botanist, but they do show you that there will always, always be others.
I have to agree when you realize you've learned something it makes it easier. We'll be waiting to hear about your next date.
Thanks for the encouraging words! Hopefully that next date will be in the coming week. When it happens, you will all hear about it first right here...
Good call !
I had a feeling he wasn't going to work out in your last post when you mentioned he came on too strong.
I dated a man a couple of years ago that said he didn't have children in his profile. After talking to him in person he said that he hadn't seen his children since they were about 5 years old. He just up and left and never looked back.
After that, I could not see him anymore.
Yeah. I agree with you Senorita - that's about the douchiest thing a man could ever do. I'm noticing another disturbing trend with men on this subject: they post pictures of their children in their profile photos! I can't believe that they would feel that this is OK! I can only assume that they are trying really hard to prove that their kids are important to them. Whatever the reason, it's just so wrong.
Actually, Funny Guy's profile pic (once he finally got it out there, almost 3 months after having posted a profile) was himself walking his daughter down the aisle at her wedding. He didn't have any recent pix of himself in his computer; his daughter sent it to him to use. -- Lots of men I was in touch w. online had pix of themselves w. their grandchildren; I guess they're saying, This is who I am -- a grandfather; take it or leave it. -- I would say, the presence of kids in pix _may_ be a sign of an Issue but may not be.
I think that if it is a particularly flattering photo of a man at an event like a wedding or a graduation, then it helps him give a complete picture of his life. But I can't tell you how many I've seen where they post a "glamour" shot of their adult daughter or some random shots of the grandchildren by themselves. What are they advertising? Kiddie porn? And don't even get me started on the landscapes and pictures of flowers!
Seriously, I think there is something wrong with a man who is smart enough to figure out how to sign up for Match.com but can't even take a digital photo of himself. Most cell phones have a camera attached these days so I don't buy the "I don't have any recent photos" excuse.
Juliette, you are wise to see that he would not be good for you at this early stage. And good for you for looking at the glass half full side. I just went on a date with a guy and we hit it off really well. Things were going great on either side only then it came up in the conversation that neither of his children have spoken to him in 12 years. Both children from separate marriages. In fact one of them won't tell him where she lives and he has hired a private detective to find her. Yikes. Something wrong there. He also has three failed marriages, another red flag. I am going with my instincts and won't see him again.
Good call, Kasey.
Plenty more where he came from, and hopefully not too many more dates before we both find that special one who fits all the requirements.
I'm just getting caught up here, but good job on knowing yourself well enough--and recognizing the signs of a not-so-well-rounded man--right away! Too bad, but a good decision on your part.
Ruby,
Thanks - I feel very good about this decision. If I hadn't followed my instincts and gut reaction I would never have been free to meet the CB, who is a far better man.
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