This particular speed-dating session consisted of 2 groups: women 47-57, paired with men 51-61, and the second: women 29-39, paired with men 33-43. I guess whoever designed this soiree reasoned that older people had better be finished early, because our age group was scheduled to begin at 5:30. Maybe they figured that we shouldn't be out driving after dark, or that we all have to be in bed by 8PM, even on weekends. The younger group's session would commence as soon as the old people cleared out. What about the poor women aged 40-46 who weren't listed anywhere, I wondered. Didn't they need any help finding dates? And would anyone be checking IDs at the door?
We arrived promptly at 5:15 and entered the restaurant. It was completely empty save for 3 customers waiting at the Speed dating table in the bar. The coordinator came over with a clipboard and an expectant look on her face asking if we were there for the event. No, we said, we're just here to have some cocktails. We sat in the bar and watched and waited. 5:30 came and went. A few women trickled in. One little old-looking man with a shiny round bald head sat at a table, looking very pleased to be there. Eventually a total of 6 or 7 women assembled in a group next to the door. What? That's all it took to max out the event? In the movies they always show 20 or 30 people moving around a crowded, fun-looking bar with interesting lighting and music, but not here. The whole place was deserted, and quiet as a church. Even though the hostess at the door had said they were open for dinner, it was like a ghost town in there - the whole place was completely empty except for those of us in the bar. One more man arrived a few minutes later, a tall thin Howdy Doody-lookalike, red hair and all, and he stood apart from everyone. Perhaps he was only attending on the advice of his therapist, because he was apparently too shy or nervous to join in conversation with any of the women hovering in one corner. Between several frantic calls on her cell phone trying to drum up some more male customers, the coordinator apologized to the female attendees about the scarcity of men. Finally, a third and final man hurried in. He was very short, white-haired, red-faced, and rushed-looking. I wondered what kind of bribe he had been offered to make him come at such short notice. It was announced that the event would now begin, despite the uneven numbers.
Here's how it went: The 3 men sat at tables while the women played musical chairs around the room. Every 15 minutes or so the ladies moved to a new man, or went back to the bar to stand and chat with each other. My friends and I sat with our drinks, eating tapas and thanking our lucky stars that we hadn't paid the $40 to attend. Our table was situated a few feet from the men and we had a great time watching the show and listening in on the conversations. I commented on the men's looks, which my friends agreed were substandard and not even close to attractive, at least to us, while Charlotte said that she had been focusing on the women instead. One in particular looked very interesting: she wore a black tank top with jeans and had a large colorful tattoo which covered her right shoulderblade and then dipped below her top, causing us to wonder how far south it traveled. We all agreed that we were dressed (and probably looked) better than most of the women there. One of them came over to our table afterwards to say hi. We asked for her reaction to the experience. She said that she had an OK time, the men seemed nice, and that the coordinator had offered her a free ticket to a future event to make up for the low male-to female ratio. But, she told us that she had met a much more suitable man the night before on SeniorSingles.com, and probably wouldn't come back for more speed dating.
As her group was leaving, the next group started arriving. They looked much more stylish and attractive than the previous group. Lots of women in black dresses and men wearing suits walked in and started mingling. These younger guys were the men who looked handsome and dateable to us. We wondered why it is that everybody wants to date someone younger than their own age. I said that it's because in my mind I am still the same person I was at 20, and the old guys who are now my age mostly look like someone's creepy uncle who drank too much and told awful jokes that nobody laughed at when we were young.
We thought about staying and watching the next round until we realized that, unlike before, these women would now make us look older and less attractive, and besides, it was getting dark (and probably close to our bedtimes). We paid our tab and left the still strangely empty restaurant.
Speed dating is a good idea in theory. You could concievably eliminate all of the online emails, phone calls, and coffee dates in one 10-minute conversation. I attended one of these events 8 years ago, right after my divorce, and had a good experience. I actually got 2 or 3 dates out of it. But I was in the younger age category then, and the men looked better to me as I recall. There were also at least 15-20 men that time, so the choices seemed far better. Would I try it again? Maybe, with a different company (there are 2 or 3 more in town from what I can tell), and some personal testimonials from someone I know and trust. For now, it's back to the online men.
I'd be interested in hearing about any of your experiences, good and bad, with Speed Dating.
7 comments:
I have never tried it and don't think I want to really. Then again, it would be a chance to meet (and rule out) a fair few men in one sitting! Why is it that everyone wants to date younger people, especially men! I am getting winks and emails from men close to my father's age :)
I went to one speed dating event in Silicon Valley. There were a dozen very well dressed and athletic looking men, business professionals all, and a dozen women who weren't exactly the pick of the litter. I didn't stick around.
I know, looks aren't everything. It was how the women carried themselves at this particular event that made me think it would be a total waste of time.
Speed dating is great on paper, but I think the best way to meet someone to date is through friends.
Loved your story about "your" (non)event!
Kasey,
I've been getting winks and emails from younger men, ages 30-45!
I suppose they think that older women are so desperate for sex that we will respond...
Dad's house,
Thanks! I agree that looks aren't everything, but it's safe to say that you know if you would be attracted enough to pursue a relationship after a few glances. I just wish my friends would help me out in this regard. Most claim they don't know any eligible men and the rest of them say they are wary of fixing people up in case it doesn't work out.
MOst of them that I hear are about 6-7 people at a time. The biggest problem I hear is getting enough people to balance the sides out. I've seen a few go under hear since I get contacted by many of the hotels asking if my group wants to come over.
I think that this company will go under soon if they don't get more men to participate. I can't see how anyone would want to repeat what I saw that night.
This was quite funny to read. And also a little bit sad.
I can't help but think of the times I've spent in France. Lived there, traveled there, did business there. The culture is so different - less hurried, more about the senses, more about a totality of experience - whether a meal or a person. And true, even in a bustling urban area like Paris which resembles New York in its pace and diversity.
Nonetheless, the French men I've encountered over there, over the years, adore real women. Yes, it's a generalization, but something I've experienced over and over again - at many times in my life.
As for a woman in her forties or fifties? She is to be savored. She's flirted with, hovered over, inhaled, brushed up against, kissed lightly on each cheek, given the once over (twice) and courted - truly courted sexually and intellectually - for a night, a spate of nights, a week, a month...
And she is courted by 20-somethings, 30-somethings, 40-somethings and possibly fiftiesh, but typically not older, in my experience. As here, when men start to age, they seem to need the "appearance" of virility that comes with a much younger woman. Another generalization. But in my part of the country, very much the case.
As for a little foreign intrigue? I'm certainly glad I've had my share to look back on, and I hope - to look forward to. Still. There's nothing like a little "slow dating" in the name of cultural exchange.
And always remember - a fine heel, and a dab of perfume.
Thank you Big Little Wolf, for the extremely wonderful words.
I've been to Paris twice and dreamed of exactly that kind of romance. I guess I didn't stay long enough, because I didn't encounter a French lover either time. I certainly would love to find one who would savor, hover over, and inhale me!
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