Trying To Keep The Faith

I had a vivid dream last week. I was on a road trip heading north, with my brother and sister, and we were all in our own cars. We started off near LA, and it was such a beautiful day that I decided I would walk and catch up with the others at some rendezvous point farther on up the road. I was strolling along the freeway, enjoying the beautiful flowers and green scenery, which was strangely devoid of any traffic or exhaust fumes, when eventually it occurred to me that I should stop and check in with the others. So I took the next exit, and came to a small town called "Keep the Faith." I knew it was the name of the town because there was a big wooden arched banner like the one in the picture with those 3 words painted on it. I went into a little cafe on Main street and saw my sister in there. I asked her to call our brother to meet us for dinner because I had decided to head back home afterwards. Everyone was looking out the window at this man who was performing some sort of mime show in the town square. Several people, including our waitress, urged me to go outside and meet him, saying that it was very important to me, because he was the one I was looking for. "But he has a wife," I told them, as I'd seen her out there talking with him. "It's all about the timing," she told me, and while I was trying to figure out what that meant, I woke up.

This dream was so real and so strong that it stayed with me all the next day and after. I found myself describing it to everyone I came into contact with for the next few days. I knew it had to be important and my friends readily agreed; they all gave me their interpretations of what it meant, and it helped me to put the symbolism together in my head. Definitely the message was for me to keep up my positive attitude, don't stop believing (because I was on a Journey, right?), get out and meet men, etc.

Fine, I thought, even though it felt like there was much more to it. But I had other things to think about, like my 3rd date with the Chef, and where to buy the freshest salmon and veggies for our dinner. But when Wednesday came, I realized that something was not right. It dawned on me that I hadn't heard anything from him for 3 days, and that was not a good sign. Especially since we had been in constant contact since our first meeting. Normally I'd receive a few emails, a phone call, and 4 or 5 texts from him daily. The abrupt cessation of communication could not be a good sign. What could possibly be the reason for this? Very busy at work? A quick email would suffice to let me know. Involved with another woman? Is in fact still living with his wife, whom he isn't yet divorced from? Somehow the other woman discovered his emails and texts to me? Suddenly I began to wonder if he would be a no-show for our dinner.

As I was wondering what had happened to cause him to fade away so abrubtly, I got this email:

Dear Juliette...how are you? I just wanted to take a moment of your time.

Unfortunately I won't be able to come for dinner on Friday.  I'm having a couple 

of personal issues that I need to address before I can move on further in our 

friendship. I think that you're brilliant and so pretty and I think about you daily. 

Please know that I will share my issues with you...only if you ask. I will not

lie to you as that is not in my nature. You deserve good things. You've earned it.

Chef 

I knew that there was a good reason I didn't date men who weren't yet divorced.

Once again, I'd made an exception for someone who didn't deserve it. 

And yes, this man was and still is a liar. His profile said that he was divorced,

but he admitted to me that he was separated after we talked on the phone. 

I remember that when he told me that, he also said he wasn't a dishonest man.

A very smart person told me a year ago: "Never trust what a man says he's like.

Just watch him and let his actions tell you who he is."

For the record, it turns out that the best interpretation of my dream was made by Funny Guy.

He thought that my unconscious mind was trying to warn me about the Chef - "But he's married" -

and when the waitress said "timing is everything," it meant that it was not the right time to meet.

Apparently my intuition was correct all along, and I should never have broken my own rule.

That feels right on target. But what feels really bad is that the wind has gone out of my sails for now. 

I'm all out of energy for radiating positive vibes. I don't have the strength to go back on any dating sites

for fear of reading more lies from dishonest men. I went to see Julie and Julia, and

cried through most of the movie, because both J's have such sweet husbands who love them and 

encourage them through thick and thin. That's all I want: a good man who loves me and wants to be

with only me. It seems that's a very tall order.

I'm trying my hardest to keep the faith but it isn't easy...