Gay Marriage Kills Another "Opposite" Romance

As saddened as many of us were by the California Supreme Court's decision yesterday not to overturn Prop. 8, I have become even more depressed by the number of heterosexual men online who are against gay marriage. Last year, my acid test to determine if a man was dateworthy was asking him which presidential candidate he was backing. This year, it's the homosexuals and their penchant for wanting matrimonial bliss which helps me separate the wheat from the chaff.

Usually, I ask a man upfront in the first or second email what his thoughts on the subject are, and I simply move on if his reply looks anything like this actual email which I received today:

"... As far as Proposition 8 goes, I voted yes simply because I feel a man and a woman joining together constitutes a marriage. It has been that way for centuries so why should we allow a small minority to override the vast majority who has twice voted to keep marriage as it has been intact? Let the gays form a union of togetherness, but call it something other than a marriage. Otherwise, I see this trend as another moral decay in our country. I'm sorry if I have offended your position, which I suspect you favor the opposite side of the issue, but that is my opinion and it seems to be the majority's opinion as well. There are way too many things going on in this country that I see damaging the essence of what made this country great..."

Moral decay? Damaging the essence of our country's greatness? Small minority? Into the trash it went, along with his chances of ever dating me.

I don't know how Aqua Man, Date #45, slipped through the cracks, but I found myself on 2 dates with him before I asked any of the right questions. I guess I was blindsided by his good looks. Think of the time and precious fossil fuels we both would have saved if only I'd properly screened...

In his profile, he described himself as "pretty handy with technology." Sure enough, he texted me from his Blackberry enroute to our first meeting, to tell me that he had lost the directions to the coffee shop. OK, U can txt while driving but can't remember where you said you'd meet me? Not very handy in my book. The date itself was awkward too. He nervously talked nonstop for 3 hours about random, trivial, meaningless stuff: listing the names of all of the main streets in his town, the outlet malls he likes to shop in, and the brand names of all of his favorite apparel, including underwear, and more. I found myself periodically scanning the faces of the people in the coffee shop, because while he had a deep, sexy voice, it carried too well, and I would've been really embarrassed if anyone I knew could possibly have overheard even a snippet of this really boring, almost painful conversation.

His profile and first few emails had promised me that he was a really funny guy and that he'd have me in stitches most of the time. I allowed him a fake laugh out of politeness towards the end of the date (mostly out of relief that it was nearing the end), to which he proudly replied, "See! I told you I'd make you laugh!" But still, I gave him points for appearance, politeness, and trying hard to impress, especially when he was obviously very nervous. He gave me a little peck on the lips and a quick (though very hot) hug as we left, asking if he could see me the following weekend. In a moment of weakness I agreed.

He called me that night to talk some more, and told me how much he'd enjoyed meeting me. I felt like we finally connected on the phone, or at least much better than in person, which is to say: I didn't cringe when he spoke. Seeing that the next weekend would have a holiday connected to it, we discussed a taking a trip out of town together. I told him that I wasn't comfortable sharing a hotel room with him yet, but if we got separate rooms it sounded like a fun idea, and maybe we'd be able to listen to some good music on the way and get to know a little more about each other. He agreed, and since there were a lot of Memorial Day specials in Las Vegas, we tentatively agreed to go there for the long weekend.

As the week went on, we talked and got more comfortable with each other. Finally our conversations became fun as we conversed about how exciting our upcoming trip would be. We flirted a little, joking about how much fun it would be to look at the view of the fountains in our very chaste-looking pajamas from our rooms while drinking champagne. But I noticed that he wasn't making any reservations anywhere yet. Then on Wednesday, he said, well, I guess I'll reserve the room then, - or, - you can do it...

I didn't say anything, and the subject changed, and when we hung up, the rooms were still not reserved. I couldn't figure out if he was trying to get out of paying for the trip (after he said he wanted to) or if he was having second thoughts about taking a woman who was not going to sleep with him. I didn't know what he was thinking, but suddenly I knew I wanted out. I texted him and said I felt it was too soon to go on a trip like this, and why didn't we just get to know each other here in town a little better first. He seemed relieved, said he had been thinking along the same lines, and we made plans to meet for dinner at a nice restaurant in LA on Saturday night instead.

When I arrived at the restaurant, he was waiting for me at our table looking even more handsome than before. Conversation was flowing a little more smoothly this time, thanks to all of our phone calls, and eventually we got around to the subject of politics. He mentioned Prop 8 and the Supreme Court's impending decision, and asked what I thought. I told him how I feel: if 2 people are lucky enough to find love in this life, regardless of gender, they have all of my support and only my best wishes. "How ridiculous is it anyway," I asked, "that anyone could possibly imply that a same-sex relationship would in any way threaten a marriage between a man and a woman?" I mentioned those ridiculous ads by the Mormon-sponsored NOM, Steven Colbert's brilliant parody, as well as this. I was on a roll, so happy to finally be speaking passionately about something interesting with Aqua Man, that it took me a few minutes to register his silence.

I stopped talking and looked at him. He was sitting, tight-lipped and still, sort of clenching his fists and looking extremely unhappy. He said he would have to agree to disagree with me on the gays, because in his opinion it went against the bible and god to choose such a lifestyle. "You think it's a choice?" I asked, unable to stop myself. "You surely can't tell me you don't believe that it's a matter of genetics. I mean, who would actively choose to be ridiculed, having to hide your true feelings, being unable to express who you really are, and feel free to like who you like as a young adolescent?" I told him about my gay friends and their partners who truly deserve to be married (more than any heterosexual couples I know), and asked him if he knew any homosexual people.

The answer was an adamant No.

Aqua man is deeply enmeshed in his fundamentalist belief system, and while he admitted that he might be able to visualize two women together in a sleazy porn-video sort of way, the idea of two men loving each other just turned his stomach and put him off the rest of his dinner. He firmly refused to discuss the matter any further.

As I trudged out of the restaurant, shaking my head in disappointment, I silently thanked the gods that we hadn't made the trip to Vegas that weekend after all. I had a flash of "opposite deja vu", visualizing myself thumbing a ride home from Baker, where we would've stopped for gas and I would've run from his car, seeking shelter from the storm of homophobia and misunderstanding.

UPDATE:

This video makes sense to me. Marriage is good for everyone! We all deserve to have one if we want it.