The (sorta) Real Live Guy and The Un-Favorite

Date #38, Gemini, found me online, and sent me a nice letter of introduction and a link to his Facebook page. I have been inundated with Facebook friend requests at every turn lately, as I'm apparently the last one on the planet to resist joining this network. I continue to hesitate to sign up for an account, because there are already scores of ways to hunt me down on the internet, and I really don't feel the need to add one more chunk of guilt-inducing cyberspace to my life at this time. It sounds like just one more thing that would become an obligation, one that I'd eventually fail to update in a timely manner, thereby creating more stress in my life.

The first thing I thought after looking at Date #38's Facebook page: Why are there pictures of Larry (my tax man) all over Gemini's photo album? It turns out that they are very good friends and they go camping together all the time. This is good news for me, because that elevates Gemini to a sort of Real-Live Guy status, as Larry and his wife have both vouched for him. In fact, they think he's a great guy (I've asked them countless times over the years if they knew any available men to introduce me to but somehow they never thought to mention this man). Now there would presumably be some sort of accountability when all was said and done. At the very least, he wouldn't be able to pull a disappearing act after a few dates without some explaining to somebody about what happened.

By the time he got around to asking me out, dinner seemed like the best plan, since we had already established a rapport and we both knew a lot about each other's history. Since this was my first (sort of) RLG, and given the romantic location he chose, I took a chance and wore the magic dress on a first date. It was a very successful date, and we both liked each other! His son is in his 20s and has moved away from home, and it turns out that we have a lot in common. He loves to travel, has the means to do so, and he thinks I'm lovely (brilliant man). He asked me out again so I'll see him this weekend (I may have to look for another dress to wear).

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I didn't wear the magic dress on my second date with Yoga Dad, since we decided to go walking and visiting museums in a hilly part of town and there was a possibility of rain. The date went well enough; it lasted all afternoon and into the evening, and there was lots more kissing this time at the end of the night. He clearly wanted it to go further, saying he would have his 7 year old daughter the next week and this would be our last chance to be together for 2 weeks. I was not feeling it however; it was too soon (I had only just met him one day prior to this). He said goodnight, promising he'd be in touch about when we could get together again.

Why do I now feel that there is a vast conspiracy of single dads intent on playing the field and getting a lot of mileage out of the "I have my kids this week" excuse? I'm currently dating 3 of them, and they all go incommunicado during their week with the kids. Back when my kids were younger, I had them full time and I worked 2 jobs as well. There was no ex to hand them off to every 2 weeks, as he lived out of state. But, I still was able to make time to talk to the man I was dating, at least every other night, and I always answered his emails the same day he wrote to me. These 3 stooges might send one brief email per week, if at all, and they never call me, not once, during their week with kids. Yet when I sign on to Match or my other sites, they are always "online now!" every single night, for hours on end. What, they can't send a quick "thinking about you" email in between perusing the dating sites? Or are they so busy IMing other women that they can't be bothered with me? Clearly, the single dads are just not that into me when they are "with their kids". And then, when they are ready to be with me again, they are very big on excuses:

Writer: I lost my cell phone, and that's the only place I had your number (Twice he used this one). Also, I'm still working on the book.

Sideways: I am booked up the rest of this week and next with kids, legal, dentist and work stuff. Next week is my daughter's birthday too.

Yoga Dad: Lots of distracting life in the way. We lost one of our dogs, so there has been plenty of search and rescue efforts going on.

Me: (thinking) Oh Really??!!?? It occurs to me that maybe there are actually no kids at all. Maybe they have other women they're seeing on this week off from me, and they can only focus on one of us at a time. Whatever. I have finally decided that I'm over them, and I'm sticking to my preferred kind of man from now on. One who has older kids like mine who are out on their own. One who has the time to make staying in touch with me a priority.

So, a few days ago, after I decided to ditch the single dads, Yoga Dad committed the ultimate online dating insult: he Un-Favorited me! One day I checked, and there he was when I clicked "Who's favorited me" on Match. The next day, poof! He had disappeared from that list. Now I know without a doubt that he has moved on too, and he didn't even have to waste one second of his precious time composing an email to let me know. Asshat. Glad I didn't waste the magic dress on him. And, if he really does in fact have a 7 year old daughter, it would never have worked anyway. I can't possibly imagine having to wait 11 or 12 years until she goes away to college before being able to have his full attention.