The Brainy Mensch has a Kinky Side!

Brainy is not turning out to be much of a mensch, despite my previous opinion of him.
Yes, he seemed worthy at 10:30 PM after our date, when I was thinking I liked him and wondering if he'd call the next day. And he sounded like a mensch when he left me a voicemail the next afternoon letting me know how wonderful it was to meet me.
But, at 10:30 that same night, exactly 24 hours after our first date was over, he called back, either drunk or tired, I couldn't tell which, not knowing him well enough yet. All of a sudden his worthiness became highly questionable. He said he was very lonely and nearly begged me to come over and have sex with him. A booty call before the second date? I'm afraid not!

He had been out with "a friend" for dinner that night; apparently he didn't think it necessary to take ME out on any more dates to get me into his bed. I told him that I must have been mistaken about him and reiterated that I was looking for a relationship, not just a sex partner, and said goodbye.

The next morning I received a very apologetic email asking if I could forgive his rude behavior and wondering if I'd be willing to correspond with him while he was in Europe. During our dinner date I had suggested a question-and-answer game we could play to get to know each other better during the 2 weeks he would be gone, and now he was humbly requesting that I give him a second chance by letting him follow through on this with me. I had already vowed not to see him when he got back, and not to sleep with him at all, but I agreed to the emails out of curiosity. I wanted to understand more about what makes this man tick.

So, I sent him a question about past relationships, he sent me answers, and then rapidly fired questions back to me. Unsurprisingly, he steered the subject towards sex, specifically: his sexual experiences with the many women in his life.

And he has had a plethora of wild and crazy experiences. Like the surgeon who wanted him to whip her.

Me: did you do it?

Mensch: I did, but not with the bull whip she wanted me to use, just a light flogger. Another woman wanted me to tie her up and spank her, which I did.

Me: You are a veritable font of kinkiness! I've never been into S&M myself.

Mensch: Generally I like being dominant, but I don't enjoy inflicting pain unless I know the woman is getting off on it. Oh, I forgot to tell you about the blonde who loved to be fisted. Yes, I'm a sexual Disneyland.

Me: (to myself) I'm definitely getting off of this ride.

You might be wondering why I continued to write him. I have to admit I was fascinated by him, in the way that you can't stop looking at a grisly accident scene or a bald Britney Spears wielding an umbrella. I've never known anyone with this kind of experience who talked about it so freely. Even if he's exaggerating, it's just amazing how he's so matter-of-fact about it all.

There's a lot more, too. Like the woman he dated who called his ex-wife after they broke up and told her about all of Mensch's infidelities (there were a lot; he went through a mid-life crisis in the middle of his marriage during which he became "sexually compulsive"), which ruined a budding reconciliation with the ex-wife and caused the permanent breakup of his family. Well, at least he admits to cheating. I think he's even a little proud of it.

If all of the above wasn't enough to convince me that he just wasn't my cup of tea, he then sent this query: How can you tell if you want to commit to someone if you haven't had sex first? What if the sex gets boring? Very telling questions. This is a man who wants quick exciting sex and then burns out on the woman because he never took the time to get to know her mind. He's had so many women because he is sexually compulsive and can't commit to one, even though he says he wants to get married and be with one good intelligent woman. He doesn't understand that it's normal to have an ebb and flow - sex can get boring at times, especially after the initial rush of discovering each other or after many years together, which is why you need to pick a partner who has something more than sexual technique going for her/him. If you have love and trust as the basis of your relationship, then you'll care enough about each other to do the things it takes to rekindle that sexual passion. You'll be able to communicate your needs to your lover, and vice versa, and you will still be able to hug and have long talks and be intimate in many other ways until the desire returns. Sex is more in the mind than in the pants anyway, at least for me.

Writing to him was an interesting diversion. It turns out that he's quite the sleaze, so I'm glad that I got to see this side of him before I decided to have a fling with him. He doesn't strike me as a very caring or apt lover either, although he didn't use the bullwhip that one time, so maybe he is a softie at heart.